Reading your old writing is like watching one of those scary prank videos. It looks normal, but you're older and wiser now; you KNOW something is lurking ahead, waiting to shock you.
I had the delightful (read: cringe-worthy) task of revisiting my old college application essays, in an attempt to provide an example to a young'un in the family. Nostalgia quickly gave way to, "Oh god, what was I thinking?!"
I DID find a couple that made for an enjoyable read. The following piece is a response to an optional essay question. I DID have to look up Johnny Appleseed again, however - 4 years in California, and I didn't come across that name even once.
The human narrative is replete with memorable characters like America's Johnny Appleseed, ancient Greece's Perseus or the Fox Spirits of East Asia. Imagine one of humanity's storied figures is alive and working in the world today. Why does Joan of Arc have a desk job? Would Shiva be a general or a diplomat? Is Quetzalcoatl trapped in a zoo? In short, connect your chosen figure to the contemporary world and imagine the life he/she/it might lead.
Kali shifted uncomfortably in the shadows, waiting for her target to arrive. She was itching to get back home and curl up with the book she was reading - The Godfather. She had been compared to Luca Brasi once, by a man who had recommended her services to another. “Ha!” she thought. “I’m better than Brasi.”
She thought about the man she was about to kill. 'Quick and clean' was how the client had put it. Kali relished the challenge of not letting even a single drop of blood hit the ground. Several images flitted through her mind at the thought. Goddesses armed for war surrounded her as she slew the demon Raktabija on a battlefield swarming with demons. Not a drop of the crimson liquid was to be allowed to touch the earth, for from every drop spilt rose a new demon.
Kali felt a certain savage satisfaction at ripping out the root of life from those who had wronged others. It made her feel as though she was carrying out her role as the redeemer of the universe, a role she was born for. Warped images flooded her mind, dousing her heightened senses. For a moment, she was Kali the Goddess, the Power created to vanquish the demons that plagued the universe. A necklace of skulls dangled from her neck; one of her four hands clasped a severed head. Her bloody tongue hung from her mouth, completing the dark and terrifying countenance. And yet, two hands were raised in blessing. She only destroyed evil. She never killed a person she believed to be good.
Kali stiffened- she could hear the man ascending the stairs. She would wait until he had entered his room and had settled down. She would then appear before him, and watch him quake as both his crime and the punishment were announced to him. A quick check on her cellphone confirmed the transfer of her payment.
She slipped off her shoes and prepared to make her entrance - dancing over her victim was horribly uncomfortable with shoes on. Another vision transported Kali back to the battlefield, only this time, the demons were dead. Intoxicated by the blood she had consumed as it spilled from their wounds, she cavorted upon the bodies in a wild frenzy of joy.
Kali slipped out within 6 minutes of her mark's entrance. She was slightly breathless, but happy. She wasn't particularly hungry anymore, but some pancakes would really hit the spot; perhaps there was a Denny's somewhere close by?